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Added: Geroge Kling - Date: 03.01.2022 21:17 - Views: 17385 - Clicks: 9150

Or was it my impeccably polished pink nails? Or the oxblood red lipstick and the mountain of mascara caked to my long, fluffy eyelashes? All of the above? As I grew more comfortable in the scene, I began to recoil at the word "femme. I wanted to be taken seriously, damn it. So why did I think "femme" was synonymous with being a brainless joke? Oh, because I, like so many girls, had a lifetime of internalized sexism stewing inside of me. See, we lesbians came of age in the same misogynistic society as everyone else.

We were spoon-fed the same sexist narrative as our heterosexual classmates. Our sexual orientation didn't protect us from the notion that femininity equals weakness. For a moment, I even considered dialing back on my ature smokey eyes, the glitter-infused Urban Decay eyeliner and the waist-length hair that made me feel both sultry and safe at once two positive feelings I happen to wildly enjoy.

I couldn't change; my inherent desire to dress up spoke louder than my desire to fit in. Dressing like a pop singer every day brings me joy. And to deprive yourself of feeling joy because you're afraid that certain women in your community will undermine your intelligence?

Well, honey. That's letting the patriarchy win. And I'm trying really hard to not let the patriarchy win. It took me awhile to get here. But I'm finally here and it's so much better on this side. The side of self-acceptance is so much sweeter than the side of conformity — despite the sweeping generalizations and crazy misconceptions that constantly swing your way when you let your femme flag fly.

Here are some of those generalizations and misconceptions that I, as a "femme" lesbian, have been subject to:. I don't know. The way you dress! Meanwhile, I was baffled. Let's do the math here: The intimidatingly brazen woman in the deer blazer who insisted on only drinking the top shelf vodka, who also happened to be sporting a watch the same price as a down payment on a house, was saying she thought me, the smiley year-old in the cheap dress clumsily sipping her cheap wine, was a high maintenance snob?

I can't tell you how shocked my ex-girlfriend was to learn how fired up I get about politics when we first started dating. Contrary to popular belief, you can be both in tune with what's happening in the world, wildly opinionated about what's happening in the world, and really fucking angry about what's happening in the world and hyper-passionate about quilted Chanel clutches and gel manicures.

The authenticity of my sexuality has been questioned since the moment I stepped out of the closet. Look, honey, not to get too graphic or anything, but if you have sex with women, you're queer AF. Style and sexuality are two VERY different things. I wasn't lying when I said I fiercely love fashion, baby.

I've been throwing on dresses and slapping on lipstick for so many years; I have this whole "getting ready" routine down to a science. I don't where the rumor comes from, but somehow it's circulated that girly girls don't have a work ethic. When really, in my experience, girly girls tend to have an insanely impressive work ethic, one that exceeds all genders and stereotypes. Do you know much hustle is required in order to be taken seriously in the workplace when your feet are strapped into platform, patent leather Mary Jane shoes? My friend paused for a minute. When I think about it, they treat the girls in dresses like bimbos.

Disclaimer: I'm in no way saying masculine-presenting women have it any easier than feminine-presenting women. I'm also not declaring that every work environment favors masculine energy, or that every masculine-presenting woman is teeming with male privilege.

It's always case by case. And every girl, regardless of her sexual orientation, has to face her own unique set of hardships. This is just my experience as a femme living in New York City in , baby. I just thought you, like, blogged! It's not just my world, either. When I go the lesbian bar with other girls adorned in frilly dresses, there tends to be a collective shock when the femmes say they're CEOs, doctors and lawyers. I can see it on people's faces: Woah, you're high femme AND a criminal lawyer.

As if one has anything to do with the other. So, listen up. I LOVE being a lesbian. I love my community. I gaze into the mirror every single day and thank my higher power Lana Del Rey for making me gay. Most queer women are open and accepting. But that doesn't mean we're safe from the insulting tropes about feminine women. And it really just goes to show that no matter what scene you're in, whom you're attracted to, or how marginalized of a community you are, femininity is still all too often seen as less powerful, less monied, and less intelligent than masculinity.

And that's got to change because that rhetoric isn't only tired; it's toxic. It's damaging. It's reductive! It's exhausting. My point? You can wear all the crop tops in the world, you can paint your lips in the hottest shade of PINK lipstick ever created, and still be an ambitious boss who pays her own way in this world. Loving pretty things doesn't mean you're not putting in hours of grueling work. I've worked for my cherished collection of cruelty-free deer lipsticks.

By Zara Barrie. Guille Faingold. Search Close.

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